Me

Italy

I'm going to Italy on the 28th. I am so excited. I will spend most of my time in Rome and Vatacan CIty. I will be there for 2 weeks and we do have some other things planned.

Tomorrow is my last day of work and it's a short day. I can barely contain myself.

  • Current Mood
    Excited
Pudding

16 days

Working 16 days in a row is not good for anything physical or mental. However, it will be great for my next two paychecks.

I'm getting a Wii with four controllers, and several games with all the money I made off this. I think the whole experience was worth it. However, the next person who asks me to take a shift for them just might be getting stabbed in the face.
Me

Heterosexual Questionnaire

1. What do you think caused your heterosexuality?

2. When and how did you decide that you were a heterosexual?

3. Is it possible that your heterosexuality is just a phase that you may grow out of?

4. Is it possible your heterosexuality stems from a neurotic fear of others of the same sex?

5. If you've never slept with a person of the same sex, is it possible that all you need is a good gay or lesbian lover?

6. To whom have you disclosed your heterosexual tendencies? How did he or she react?

7. Why do you heterosexuals feel compelled to seduce others into your life-style?

8. Why do you insist on flaunting your heterosexuality? Why can't you just be what you are and keep quiet about it?

9. Would you want your children to be heterosexual knowing the problems that they'd face?

10. A disproportionate majority of child molesters are heterosexual. Do you consider it safe to expose your children to heterosexual teachers?

11. With all the societal support marriage receives, the divorce rate is spiraling. Why are there so few stable relationships among heterosexuals?

12. Why do heterosexuals place so much emphasis on sex?

13. Considering the menace of overpopulation, how could the human race survive if everyone were heterosexual like you?

14. Could you trust a heterosexual therapist to be objective? Don't you fear he might be inclined to influence you in the direction of her/his own leanings?

15. How can you become a whole person if you limit yourself to compulsive, exclusive heterosexuality, and fail to develop you natural, healthy homosexual potential?

16. There seem to be very few happy heterosexuals. Techniques have been developed that might enable you to change if you really want to. Have you considered trying aversion therapy?
Pudding

Ouch

I have a very attractive female coworker. We often get guys who come into the store simply because she is working. She was responding to an e-mail on the computer behind my register while I was ringing up a customer.

Female customer: *obviously looking behind me while I'm ringing her up* Wow, you're very pretty. ... Oh, not you, the lady behind you.
Me: Ow, my self esteem.
Me

bearsgonewild asked me to post this

While we take a minute to mark the passing of one hateful bigot, let's not forget that there are thousands of others out there who will rush to fill any void left by his short fall to hell.

Take, for example, Don Wildmon and the assclowns at the American Family Association. They're back up to their old tricks again. Actually, it's the same trick that they've never really stopped. I don't understand how the people on their email list don't just say, "Enough about the homos already. Don't you have anything else to talk about!" Not to mention Ol' Wildmon's one man crusade to topple Ford for their egregious support of equal rights.

Anyway, they sent out this action alert to their legions of bigots with TVs and phones, asking them to call and/or boycott any company that sponsored a show that had determined was "supportive of the homosexual lifestyle." You know. REALLY gay stuff like ER or The Simpsons. So, if you're happy that the Tinky Winky bashing may finally stop for a while and you'd like to do something to counter morons like the ones at the American Family Association, please take a few moments tomorrow during business hours and help me light up the switchboards of The Top Ten Pro-Homosexual Sponsors on Television with some big, gay love and support. Let 'em know that you appreciate their sponsorship of those shows in the face of the hatred and stupidity that is heaped on them by the AFA and other organizations like them. Finally, let them know that there will always be more of us than them and we buy cars, cellphones, makeup (hello!), drugs, and oatmeal too.
Me

(no subject)

I have no idea where I got that bruise. I didn't even notice it untill last night walking out of Fridays when Rob said "Where did you get that?!".
Me

Strip club...wow

So I went to my first strip club last night, and by went to...I mean got dragged to. I had no idea that they got completely naked. I really thought that they kept on their thong/gstring/whatever. I was not prepared for what I saw. On top of me just not being prepared for that; the girls were really horrible. They weren't really into it.

So that will probably be my last time at a strip club.
Mad

rofl

The Internal Revenue Service decides to audit Ralph, and summons him to an appointment with the toughest auditor in the office. The IRS auditor is not surprised when Ralph shows up with his attorney.

The auditor says, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable."

"I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says Ralph. "How about a demonstration?"

The auditor thinks for a moment and says, "Okay. Go ahead."

Ralph says, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye."

The auditor thinks a moment and says, "No way! It's a bet."

Ralph removes his glass eye and bites it.

The auditor's jaw drops.

Ralph says, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye."

The auditor can tell Ralph isn't blind, so he takes the bet.

Ralph removes his dentures and bites his good eye.

The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Ralph's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

"Want to go double or nothing?" Ralph asks. "I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between."

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this guy can manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

Ralph stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Ralph's attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.

"Are you okay?" the auditor asks. "Not really," says the attorney. "This morning, when Ralph told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me $20,000 that he could come in here and piss all over your desk -- and that you'd be happy about it!"
Me

We can settle this



Boys, boys, we can settle this like reasonable and sexy teenagers; Whoever can swallow the most tylenol PM wins.

I laughed about that for at least five minutes. That was hands down the funniest thing I've heard on Family Guy.
  • Current Mood
    giggly giggly